Ring of Ice
by Calico Star
Summary: Lee finds something in his father's desk that makes him reconsider certain perceptions.
1. Chapter 1

Really, truly, he was only looking in the drawer for a pen. He wasn't snooping. His father wasn't in, and after waiting a while for him to return, he had decided to leave him a note and come back later. Which led him to look in the drawer. Two jewellery boxes were sitting in the back of the drawer, ring size boxes, and without conscious thought he had picked up the older looking one and opened it. What he found was surprising, his father's wedding ring. He lifted it out and read again the words inscribed on the inside, "Bill and Carolanne". He tried to remember if his father had been wearing his ring the last time he saw him. He couldn't be sure, but it was so much a part of him that he would have thought the absence would have been noticeable. So, what did this mean? Maybe the other box held the answer. He opened it carefully, and saw another wedding band, a narrower, smaller one. This one also had an inscription, so he lifted it out to read it. "For Eternity" This wasn't his mother's ring, he had seen hers many times, and knew the inscription was the same as his father's. So this was for someone else, but who? He thought with a grin that he could guess.

Deciding he needed a drink after the days revelations he made his way to the galley area for a glass. Hearing his father enter, he called out.

"So who do I need to start calling stepmother? Or should I guess? It must be even more serious than I thought, if you have taken off your wedding ring!"

As he finished his sentence he stepped out of the galley to find himself facing his father and the President across the room, and his eyes were drawn to his father's hand, where his wedding band glinted in the light.

He saw the shocked expression on the face of the President, but was too caught up in the same feeling, to be able to decipher the various emotions that flickered in its aftermath. Her eyes closed briefly, then with a single deep breath and a serene expression that made him wonder if he had been imagining things, turned to his father and said, "It would seem you two have something to discuss." before leaving, closing the hatch firmly behind her.

His father's expression was completely unreadable as he spun the lock and then poured two glasses of ambrosia. He stammered an apology, uncertain as to what reaction to expect, mind whirling as to possible explanations, eyes caught on the sight of his father twirling the ring on his finger, something that had been habit for as long as Lee could remember. Only it appeared that at some point the ring he had thought it was had been replaced by another.

"How long ..." the question was pulled from him, yet he found himself unsure as to how to finish it, ... how long have you been wearing another's wedding ring, ... how long until you were going to tell me, ... how long ago did you stop wearing my mother's ring, and the follow up to all of these, the overriding question, what exactly was going on?


	2. Chapter 2

The Admiral held out a glass to Lee, waiting until he had his full attention before saying quietly but firmly, "This doesn't leave this room."

On receiving Lee's somewhat shaken nod of agreement, he lowered himself onto the couch with a deep sigh and took a long drink. Placing his glass carefully on the table, he stared at his ring for a long moment before beginning.

"You saw the rings then I take it."

A nod was his answer, and a whisper of "For Eternity."

"I bought them on my last shoreleave, a matching set. All the plans were made. The ceremony was going to be the day after I retired. Just a small one, a priest, us and witnesses."

"And then ..."

"And then the attacks happened. Everybody's lives changed that day."

"So the ceremony ..."

"Never took place." He twisted the ring on his finger reflectively. "I sat here and I realised that it didn't matter. I had already made the commitment, no matter what happened. So I put it on. My reminder of her."

"Were you going to tell me?"

"Before or after?"

"Before."

"I planned on telling you at the decommissioning ceremony, but you were so angry with me that day, and I didn't want your first impression of her to be clouded by your anger with me. I was going to try again later. She wanted me to introduce you."

Lee winced slightly as he thought of that distant day.

"You told her about me?"

"Of course."

"And after?"

"Why?"

"Who else knows?"

"No-one."

The disbelief must have shown on his face for a second.

"No-one. Saul and Kara knew I was seeing someone, but I hadn't told them about the wedding yet."

Lee drained the rest of his drink and stood somewhat abruptly.

"I'm sorry ..." for so many things, for your loss, for not getting the chance to know her, for being so angry that day. "I'm sorry."

His father nodded in understanding, and he headed for the hatch, turning back to face him before exiting.

"You really loved her." There was a tinge of wonder in his voice.

"Yes, I love her." Lee filed away the change of tense for consideration later.

"What was her name?"

"I called her Rose."


	3. Chapter 3

She was somewhat subdued during their daily telephone call later that night, but they had cleared any business and chatted for a while before she asked quietly, "What was Lee on about when he said you weren't wearing Carolanne's ring anymore?"

"He found my old ring in the drawer."

"You really aren't wearing her ring?"

"No."

"How ... when ...?"

A smile touched the corners of his mouth as he listened to her try to form a coherent question.

"Since the attacks."

"So what happened?"

"We talked."

Damned uncommunicative man!

"What did you tell him?"

"The truth."

"Oh." The sound was small and if he hadn't have know her as well as he did, he would not have heard the tinge of hurt that laced it.

"That I love her. That a lot of people's lives changed the day the worlds ended."

His only answer was a choked silence. It stretched almost enough to make him wonder if the connection had broken.

"Are you still there?"

"Um, yeah. Sorry." The reply was soft, and slightly confused, almost as if she had drifted off.

"Laura Roslin, speechless. I know several people who would have paid good money to see that." He teased gently, determined to lighten the mood.

She laughed, and his smile grew at the rich, clear sound.

"Well don't get used to it, it's not going to happen often."

"And don't I know it. Now get some rest, Laura, and I will see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Bill."


	4. Chapter 4

_They had been friends for a long time, acquaintances for longer, introduced by mutual friends. Knowing her fire, enthusiasm and abilities would only enhance his political ambitions, he had slowly wooed her into his campaign. As she told Lee many years later, he had been a hard man to say no to. She had however managed to do it in some things. When it became clear that he was also interested in her physically, she had drawn a line in the sand. He was a married man._

_She and her mother had been the only family each other had, since the accident that took away her father and siblings. She had supported her, had shouldered the responsibility and pressed on, making no complaints if sometimes that responsibility was confining. When her mother's cancer was diagnosed, she continued stoically, doing her job to the best of her ability, juggling that with doctors visits, hospital stays and dealing with the steadily growing pressures that came with the disease. Cancer was no respecter of people, it slowly stole her mother's dignity as it took her life. It tore at Laura, decimating her reserves, even as it slowly destroyed her mother from the inside out. So many of their friends took a step back, unable to cope with the realities of the disease, coming face to face with their own mortality and feeling powerless to help._

_Adar had stood by her, had arranged to lighten her workload, had always made a point of enquiring after her mother, had been a support when she needed it. So when one day he turned her towards him, pulled her into his arms and kissed her, she had let him. Had given her will over to him, desperate to feel, to escape the creeping numbness that surrounded her if only for a short while. He had been a sanctuary in the months that followed, when the pain tore her mother apart and ripped Laura to shreds. When finally, blessedly, the end had come. When she realised in the ensuing months that while she was glad her mother's suffering was finally over, now she truly was alone in the world._

_Later, as she started to regain her balance, she had tried to set things right, to disentangle herself once again. And had discovered yet again, just how hard it was to say no to him, and so had ended up drifting along in a situation that she knew would only cause her pain. It took some time before she found the strength to force the issue, to make a stand. Thinking back on it years later, she was convinced that the subconscious knowledge of her own cancer had forced her out of the half life she had accepted and given her the courage to reach out for something real, for something that was hers._

_At first, he had been somewhat amused at her declaration, obviously convinced that this was just another phase and she would get over it quickly enough. It was only when it became clear that not only was she serious but that she had actually moved on, that he was forced to accept it. His anger at her defiance had been cold, insidious. making it harder and harder to continue in her position. It was hard to bear from the man who she had relied on for so long, and yet, it gave her a certain freedom as well. This was her way out of the political life she had never really wanted. Her final diagnosis, confirmation of that horrible truth, on the day of her trip to Galactica had consolidated her decision and she had planned to step down immediately on her return. Then the worlds ended._


	5. Chapter 5

_He had drawn her attention as he sat, obviously waiting for a meeting with one of the other Ministers. It wasn't because of his uniform, she saw enough high ranking military officers around the building on a daily basis to be mostly inoculated against the effect of a man in uniform. It wasn't entirely because he had, ever so slowly, allowed his eyes to travel along the length of her body, appreciation muted but clear. She had quelled the initial angry response to his obvious ogling, as well as the traitorous flare deep within her. It wasn't just the aura of controlled power held within his solid form. It was all those things wrapped in the calm he exuded, like he was the eye of the storm, the impression that whatever chaos might be played out around him, he was in control._

_She had continued on her way, a little disturbed by the strength of the effect he had had on her, but fairly certain she wouldn't be seeing him again._

_Then she had received a call from the Secretary of Defence, asking her if she had the time to come and meet someone. Something about a future joint project between their departments._

_She wasn't sure what surprised her more, that the person she was meeting was the man who had drawn her earlier, or the fact that he kept his eyes strictly focussed on her face throughout the conversation. The second had him rising in her estimation._

_"Laura, I would like to introduce you to Commander Adama. Commander this is the Secretary of Education, Laura Roslin."_

_"Commander."_

_"Madam Secretary."_

_"The Commander's current command is the Battlestar Galactica. She is the last battlestar still on active duty that saw action in the Cylon Wars. She is due to be decommissioned next year, and we are considering converting her into a museum. Although currently this is a Defence Department project, undoubtedly as it develops it will come partly within your purvue, so I thought it might be good for you and the Commander to meet face to face, to facilitate any future interactions."_

_Laura almost entirely managed to suppress the eyeroll, partly because he was a colleague and should be respected in front of others, and because he was something of a friend, a kindly man despite his pomposity. However, as she caught Commander Adama's amused eye, she realised he had seen her reaction and enjoyed it, although his face remained impassive._

_The Secretary had then outlined the current plans and how he envisioned things developing and what would likely be required from her staff. They had shared a stimulating conversation before her aide had come to remind her of a meeting. Shaking the Commander's hand in farewell, she felt a strange sense of loss, tempered by the fact that as long as things went to plan she would more than likely be speaking to him again._

_She was tired and frustrated by the time she left for the day. Frustrated because it seemed that everyone wanted something from her today and they wanted it achieved yesterday without spending any money. Added to that Richard had decided to try his luck again today, apparently convinced that she had had enough time and a smile and dinner would have her back in his arms. Imagining all the things she would like to say to each and every one of them, and knew she never would, she hadn't seen the man step into her path until she barrelled into a solid body. Only his quick reflexes held her upright instead of sprawled in a heap. A stream of apologies died on her lips as she looked up into a pair of deep blue eyes, and instead she said the first thing that came to mind._

_"What are you still doing here?"_

_"I would like to take you to dinner."_


	6. Chapter 6

_She was torn between wanting to climb into bed and forget the world after the day she had had and giving in to the curiosity that made her want to get to know this man better. The hint of vulnerability in his eyes, showing that he wasn't quite as confident in her reply as he appeared to be, was swaying her towards accepting, when she caught sight of the glint of sunlight on his wedding ring. That brought her all her frustrations of the day to a head, and she let him have it._

_"What is it with you married men? You be satisfied with the woman you have chosen, but no, every other woman must want you as well. Do I have some kind of sign on my forehead, saying 'Married Men Apply Here.'? Well let me tell you, I am not interested. I don't need this today, or ever. So leave me alone, and stay the hell away."_

_"I'm not married."_

_"Do I look like an idiot? Why are you wearing a wedding ring if you aren't married?"_

_At his look of embarrassment, she huffed. Storming away she muttered to herself,_

_"Men! Gods, even the ones who seem halfway decent …! Let that be a lesson to you Laura!"_

_And the Commander was left staring in her wake, too shocked at the sudden turn the conversation had taken to react quickly enough._

_She refused to accept any of his calls the next morning, and when no calls came in the afternoon she figured that was the end of that little saga. So exiting her office at the end of the day to find him standing in front of her aide's desk was a surprise. Her aide was looking a little flustered, and immediately starting explaining that he had just come in and was asking to see her, that he had some documents for her. She pulled herself up to her full height and glared at him, informing him that any information he had for her could go through her aide before stalking back into her office._

_With a shrug, he turned to the aide and handed her the file._

_"Please show this to her, and if she still doesn't want to see me, please assure her I will never come here again."_

_He then settled himself on the sofa, looking completely comfortable. With a startled glance in his direction, the aide braved the possible anger of her boss and passed on the message and the file. Waiting for a reply she was shocked to see Laura sag in her chair as she read the contents and place her head in her hands. After a few moments, she looked up and asked if he was still there. The aide nodded and was asked to send him in._

_He was ushered in to find Laura staring out the window, the late afternoon sunlight turning her hair to burnished copper._

_"I believe I owe you an apology. It seems I was somewhat hasty yesterday. Although, I have to say, the gods only know why you bothered to come back."_

_"You're right."_

_She turned to stare at him when he didn't elaborate, and could read nothing in his face. With a raised brow she queried his meaning._

_"Only the gods know why I'm here."_

_For a long moment they stared at each other, she in confusion and he expressionless. Then she caught the glint of humour in his eyes, and started to giggle. With that he lost control of his expression and grinned which made her laugh all the more. When she finally calmed down, he said somewhat thoughtfully, but without hiding the flicker of mischief in his eyes._

_"Never had to show a woman my divorce certificate just to get her to talk to me."_

_She snorted._

_"Of course not, they are all falling at your feet, aren't they."_

_"Not noticeably, although a beautiful woman very nearly did yesterday."_

_She blushed and immediately changed the topic._

_"So are you going to explain why you wear a wedding ring, if as you say .."_

_"And have proved."_

_"And have proved, that you are divorced?"_

_Once again embarrassment showed in his face, but also determination._

_"It's a reminder and a .. it's a reminder."_

_She raised an eyebrow._

_"A reminder of the mistakes I made last time."_

_"And a ..."_

_He grimaced._

_"It's OK, I'll let you keep your secrets for a while. Now, I think maybe dinner is in order, don't you?" She grinned at him as she moved to collect her things. It took only a beat before he caught up and offered his arm to usher her out._

_He took her to his favourite restaurant, a small family run place that served home cooked Caprican meals. They talked late into the night, agreeing on various subjects, disagreeing rather explosively on others. As he walked her home, they agreed to meet the next night, purely to continue their debate on the relative merits of Virgon and Leonian poetry, of course. They lingered briefly on her doorstep._

_"Goodnight Rose, I look forward to tomorrow."_

_"There won't be a tomorrow if you forget my name."_

_"The scrolls of Anacreontea said it best, 'Rose, darling of spring. Rose, delight of the Gods.' No, Rose it is."_

_She rolled her eyes, even as she blushed, and countered,_

_"I think we'll need to limit your intake of ambrosia tomorrow night."_

_And so the slow dance began, the advance and retreat. Two people, bruised by previous relationships, learning to trust._

_-------------------------------_

_They left the busyness of Caprica City far behind them, travelling out into the countryside. He refused to tell her where they were going, only that he had everything under control and she should wear sensible shoes. Finally they arrived at a ruined building where they disembarked and grabbing his bag they set off, walking deep into the gardens. Their destination was a huge rambling old rose bush with flowers the colour of sunset and the sweetest scent. Here Bill unpacked his bag which turned out to contain the makings of a picnic. They spent lazy hours basking in the sun, and enjoying the surroundings and each others company._

_Bill had grown quieter and quieter though as the afternoon progressed and finally Laura had had enough. Lifting her head from where it was resting on his chest as they lay, she poked him in the chest and demanded._

_"Out with it!"_

_"What?" He came suddenly out of the almost trancelike state he had been in._

_"You've been brooding for ages now. What is it?"_

_"Oh, umm..." with a tiny grin that merely quirked at the corners of his mouth, and a deep sigh, he started, "Do you know why I have brought you here?"_

_"For a picnic." Teasing him was just such fun._

_"No, well yes, but no. This .." waving to indicate the rose bush, "is the oldest Fire Rose bush growing on Caprica. It is said that Aphrodite gave the rose its beauty and Dionysus gave it sweet nectar for its scent. So I thought it would be the perfect place to ... well that is to say, I would like to ... I would love ..."_

_Laura put a gentle finger to his lips._

_"Breathe. Now what would you love?"_

_"I would love it if you would be my wife."_


	7. Chapter 7

"Were you ever going to tell me that my father was seeing someone?" 

"Well Apollo," she drawled, "should that have been while you were refusing all his calls, when you avoided him on his own battlestar at the decommissioning ceremony, or when the worlds went to hell and we were all doing anything we needed to just to survive?"

He had the grace to look slightly ashamed of himself.

"What can you tell me about her?"

"Not a lot. I never met her. But ..."

"But what Starbuck?"

"She was good for him, you know. I remember thinking after the attacks just how unfair it was that the person who had made him live again was taken away from him. You know..."

She paused, trying to collect her thoughts and to try and put emotions into words, something she wasn't keen on at the best of times.

"You know, I only knew him after Zac died, and yes, he was wonderful to me, but he had this pinched look about him for the longest time. He still gets it sometimes when things remind him of Zac Or like when he thought you were dead, when you rigged it to look like Colonial One had exploded. But then he came back from a trip to Caprica City and something was different. It took me a while to work out what it was, then I realized, when he smiled it reached his eyes, his step was a little lighter, small things that most people didn't notice, but they showed he was happy. I joked with him that day about the Old Man getting laid, but he just smiled and shook his head. He started actually taking his leave and every time he came back he was more ... alive, you know."

"Wow."

"Yeah wow."

They sat, Lee contemplating this new information about the man he thought he knew, Kara reminiscing.

"You know he says he loves her."

"Loved."

"No loves."

"You think she is alive?"

"No, oh umm, she can't be, can she. No I don't think so. No, if she was she would be with him wouldn't she."

"Can't think of a good reason why she wouldn't be."

"No."

Lee took his leave, but over the next few days the two conversations came back to mind over and over again.


	8. Chapter 8

_'It wasn't fair! It was not fair!' She felt the temptation to throw herself on the ground, kicking and screaming, like a two year old in a temper tantrum, but that wasn't appropriate behaviour for a fifty something year old woman, or the Secretary of Education. She grinned inwardly as she pictured the faces of her fellow passengers if she were to do exactly that, but the brief spurt of humour faded quickly into her current litany. 'It was not fair!!!' She was finally at a place in her life where she was comfortable both with herself and where her life was heading. She had found someone she truly loved and he loved her. And now she finds out that the rest of her life that she was planning on spending with this wonderful man was actually only somewhere between six and twelve months. And that it would be spent slowly spiralling downwards into increasing pain and heartache! 'It was not fair.'_

_She was on her way to see him now. Just this morning she had been excited at the prospect, eager to spend even a few hours with him. Now she was torn. Whilst she longed to be wrapped in the comfort that was his embrace, she hadn't yet had time to come to terms with the death sentence herself, nevermind deal with breaking his heart. 'It wasn't fair!'_

_He hadn't been able to believe it when he received the notification of arrangements for the decommissioning ceremony. Secretary of Education Laura Roslin would be attending on behalf of the President of the Twelve Colonies. He wandered the halls of his ship, practising his speech, but found his mind wandering in anticipation of seeing her. Only barely able to restrain himself from meeting her as her ship docked, he still ensured that they met in one of the hallways before the planned meeting according to the schedule he had been given by that weasel of a PR person, Doral. As per their agreement they were strictly professional, allowing only a few brief moments for their eyes to meet and convey another more welcome greeting. They lapsed easily into a mock argument about networked computers, a discussion they had had on a number of occasions and one that he knew she was capable of arguing both sides of with the same passion, depending on her mood. He was concerned however by the sense of distance he saw in her eyes, something was bothering her._

_A luncheon had been arranged in one of the wardrooms for the dignitaries visiting Galactica for the ceremony. As it was finishing he grabbed the opportunity._

_"Madam Secretary, may I have a word in private."_

_He could have sworn that behind the pleasure, there was a flash of fear in her eyes as he asked. It added to his concern._

_"Of course, Commander. Mr Keikeya, you go on ahead, I will catch up with you later."_

_Only once the room was clear and the guards had been informed no-one was to disturb them did she turn into his arms, holding on tightly as if to reassure herself that he really was there. Knowing she wouldn't tell him what was wrong until she was ready, he drew her into one of the chairs and settled them down together and they chatted quietly for a while._

_"So what was that argument about networked computers really about?"_

_"Well my brief from my staff included, and I quote, 'Convince Commander Adama of the necessity of installing networked computers.'"._

_"So it wasn't just to annoy me?"_

_"Oh no, that was just a bonus for my enjoyment." She grinned up at him, before turning slightly more serious. "How did things go with Lee?"_

_He remembered how angry Lee was, and winced briefly at the memory of his parting shot._

_"Not good, I take it."_

_"No, he still blames me."_

_She rubbed her hand on his chest soothingly, then seeing how distant his eyes had gone, pulled him back into the present by sitting up and taking his face in her hands. Waiting until she had his full attention, she said carefully, "It was not your fault. You know that."_

_"Do I? Maybe he's right, maybe I pushed him too far."_

_"It was a horrible accident, but it was an accident. Of course you influenced his decisions, you're his father. Just like your father influenced your decisions, one way or another. Does that make him responsible for your decisions?"_

_He looked into her eyes for a long moment, then pulled her roughly to him, muttering into her hair._

_"Gods, Rose. What would I do without you?"_

_The slight pressure of her fingers tracing circles on his chest was his only answer. In Laura's mind the refrain had started up again, 'It was not fair!'. She didn't want to leave this man, didn't want to hurt him._

_"I will try and talk to him again, I was hoping to at least introduce you two before the wedding."_

_Seeing the uncertainty she quickly hid, he reassured her._

_"He will love you. It's me he's angry at."_


	9. Chapter 9

_She smiled to herself when she realized who their escort back to Caprica City was. His son may not acknowledge it, may not even want to believe it, but the fact of this assignment proved that his father trusted him._

_She appreciated that when he managed to decoy the cylon nuke away from them, and had ensured that the pilot picked him up after his viper was damaged. Bill's only surviving son was not going to die if she had anything to do with it. His support and help during their rescue operations was a great comfort. As she spent time with him, she had to smile inwardly at the realisation that Bill had been right. His son did like her. Although she was not so sure that he would have accepted her nearly as easily if he knew just how close to his father she was._

_As the news started to come through, she pushed aside her feelings to deal with the situation at hand. So when they received the message informing them that Commander Adama had taken control of the fleet, she almost sagged with relief of the unacknowledged fear that had been lurking in the back of her mind, that his ship was gone. Then it was back to work, there were people to rescue, things to be done. She had to suppress a smile when Lee told her what his name was, obviously expecting her to be shocked, and just perhaps, hoping that she would give someone else the job of giving her order to his father. 'Oh I know, I know more about you than you realize.'_

_"I know. But Captain Apollo has a nice ring to it, doesn't it."_

_She could hear the frustration in Bill's voice, even understood it, it was a soldier's reaction, but she had responsibilities she couldn't ignore. She had been these peoples president for all of a few hours, and she couldn't leave them. However the cylons proved her wrong and she was especially grateful when Lee saved them once again by faking the 'nuclear explosion'. She couldn't quite suppress the half sob when she saw him laying on the floor, and finding he was alive and OK._

_On reaching the Galactica she once again pushed her worry aside at finding Bill absent from his ship and the Colonel in command, as she fought with Tigh for the supplies needed for the fleet. Again she had cause to be thankful to Bill's son as he negotiated some supplies for them._

_When she finally saw Bill again, he entered the wardroom during her meeting with Billy. She lent half an ear to the rest of the briefing, letting the wave of relief wash over her as she carefully examined him, noting the tiredness, the controlled anger, the minor injuries. When Billy left, she sat back and regarded the man before her, the one man, the only man who could stop her. She was under no illusion that the fleet would survive for very long without the Galactica's support and protection. He had the power to stage a military coup and the presence to be successful. And, though she would not admit to this out loud, his was the one opinion she valued above all others. And so she watched him, noting he was still very much in battle mode, and planned her strategy._

_"Are you planning a military coup?"_

_"The battle is over, we lost!"_

_And the call to reason,_

_"If we are to survive, as a species, we need to get the hell away from here, and we need to start having babies."_

_When he left, still angry, still determined to return to a futile fight, she couldn't be sure she had said enough to make him change his mind. When the instructions came, she whispered a prayer of thanks to the Lords of Kobol. There was hope for them all._

_She stood side by side with him at the funeral service, aching to slip her hand into his, for her comfort, to comfort him, as they mourned, as he mourned the loss of so many of his crew. His speech made the hairs on the back of her neck stand to attention. She had known he could talk her into anything, but he had taken the mood of a crowd and turned it 180, with just a few words and the force of his personality._

_When she slipped into his quarters later that evening, nervous, heart quaking at the thought of what she had to do, she had taken a few moments to calm herself, scanning her surroundings with interest, as she saw for the first time the home that he had made for himself. The books she had known about, though the sheer volume was overwhelming. The inviting warmth of the room pulled at her, making her wish she could call this place home, and making her mission that much harder. So she started with the question of earth, and led on to a fragile agreement between military and government._

_"So, Commander of the last battlestar in existence, and Protector of the Fleet."_

_"So, President of the Twelve Colonies."_

_She smiled briefly in acknowledgement, then tilted her head in query._

_"A schoolteacher!"_

_He winced._

_"Not my finest moment, I have to admit." He paused for a moment, then continued, "Please believe that that had more to do with Lee than with you. He had made it quite clear he was only present at the ceremony because he was ordered to, and would not give anything beyond his specific orders. It felt like he was being deliberately awkward, and I was frustrated. We were in the middle of a battle."_

_"So it wasn't that you didn't believe I could handle being the President."_

_"I know you are quite capable of doing the job." He was sincere, but she recognised the hint of hesitation in his tone._

_"But ..."_

_"But there is a price to pay, and only you can decide if it is worth it."_

_"We are talking the survival of the human race, what price could be too high?"_

_"And there lies the danger."_

_They spent a few quiet moment considering, then she gathered all her courage._

_"Speaking of a price to pay ..."_

_She managed to contain it until she got to her quarters and was finally alone. Then the shaking started and would not stop. Even her teeth were chattering. She wrapped as many blankets as she could find around herself, and curled into one of the chairs. It hurt too much for tears, so she watched the stars and tried not to think, but the thoughts whirling round in her brain would not stop. How could she hope for his support? Could she count on him to keep her honest? Was this one blow too far? Just the thought of having lost any regard he may have had for her made her shake all the more._

_He sat at his desk staring into a glass of ambrosia. He understood, but by the Gods, that didn't mean he had to like it. They had to stand together and yet apart. Too close, and never close enough. Just one more blow from the Cylons, they had taken away his worlds, so many of his people and now his future. Staring into the glass, the glint of his wedding ring refracted through the liquid. The ring he had continued wearing so as not to cause comment, the ring he had worn as a reminder of his success and his failures. He thought of the rings he had bought for the start of his new life, the hope and the peace she had gifted him, the promise he had made when he had asked her to be his wife. 'For Eternity' That promise, that hope and that peace had not changed, were not something the Cylons could steal from him. He slipped off his old ring and packed it away. Drawing out his ring from the pair of wedding rings, he placed it on his finger and held it up to the light. Then closing his eyes, he lifted his glass to the Laura he saw, and solemnly swore._

_"My Rose, my Laura, for eternity."_


	10. Chapter 10

It was a moment's epiphany, the coalescence of a myriad of tiny details seen and accepted at the time now forming a picture that had been there all along, but unrecognised. A moment when he realized that all the faces in his minds eye were only facets of the man who is his father, only a small part of the whole. He was the hero, the controlling force behind so many of his decisions, the focus of his anger, the dry eyed stoic man who stood, apparently emotionless, as his son unleashed all his bitterness and bile after the death that tore the family apart, and he was the Commander who stepped up to the plate and fought to save the last remnants of civilization and give them hope. But, and now that he has seen it he can't understand why he didn't before, he is a man. In spite of all his belief in his own sophistication, he had still viewed him with a child's naivety. His parents had married, had had two children, and so really she must have been the love of his life. He had messed up, had got a divorce, but it was somehow expected that he would remain alone. He had gloried at the fact that he would suffer her loss for the rest of his life, as the rest of the family moved on. It had been a moment of spite, to twist the knife, that he had informed him of his mother's planned remarriage. 

Now looking back, knowing what he did now, he realized that he knew very little about their relationship. He did love her, Lee can remember a time when that was so, but then he remembers the distance that grew between them, that he hadn't wanted to accept at the time.

And suddenly recognised that in that one very short conversation he had with his father, about Rose, he saw more of the man than he ever had before. He was never one to show his emotions, an outward facade of calm covered all but the strongest of them, and yet just the memory of this woman he had known and loved had ripped away the façade, leaving the reality of peace and completeness. And that was something that had never been part of his parent's relationship.

In fact, thinking about it now, the only time he can remember seeing something similar in his father, was occasionally when he was with President Roslin, only brief moments when completely relaxed and unaware of being watched. It was those moments that had led him to believe she may be the future stepmother when he had first found that his father had removed his wedding ring. Only to have his world turned on its head.

Maybe there was something he could do though. If he could find Rose, if she was in this fleet and for some reason had not come forward, he could bring them together. If not, if he could find out what had happened to her, he could give his father resolution at least.

With that in mind and happy to be taking some action, he set off to make an appointment with Tory to discuss looking through the survivor records.


	11. Chapter 11

_They had become Madam President and Commander Adama, never Bill and Laura. It helped to focus on their professional obligations and relationship. Desperate as things were during the timed attacks, the one benefit was that there was no time for anything personal, allowing them the opportunity to transition into their new roles with one another._

_She caught Billy staring at her sometimes, with some confusion in his gaze. Remembering his perception, she wondered what he was thinking, what he had seen, but she refused to ask. He already knew her second biggest secret, she was not prepared to confirm any suspicions he may have as to her biggest. Everyone else saw exactly what they expected to see. Two strangers trying to find a way to work together._

_After the day on Galactica, she had pulled Lee aside and asked him to be her military advisor. Her reasons were two fold, she needed to have a better understanding of the military if she was going to be truly successful in her role and while she felt it was best to create a buffer between herself and the Commander, Lee was still a very real connection to him. And if by doing this, she could help Bill to reconnect with his son, then it could only be a good thing._

_He hadn't known whether to laugh or yell when a stiff and formal Lee had informed him of the President's latest appointment. He could see what she was doing, and wondered briefly if Lee had any idea of the thought processes and ramifications behind her choice. Understanding the benefits of distance between them at this stage, he allowed things to stand. Other considerations aside, it was good to see that his son liked and supported the new President, and that she had someone at her side, who he could trust to watch her back._

_Billy was confused._

_President Roslin was right, he didn't know the first thing about women, he didn't know how to talk to them or how to act around them and not even having grown up with two older sisters had been any help. But he was an observer by nature. As an aide, it was a skill that had served him well, had helped him learn quickly. Now having been thrust from temporary aide to the Secretary of Education into the role of senior aide to the President of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol, it was vital in helping him to anticipate. That and the fact that the President had managed to wind herself around his heart so firmly._

_He had been keeping an eye on Secretary Roslin during their time on Galactica, concerned by her apparent illness, by the things she had let slip. So he had seen the flicker of amusement in her gaze as she watched the retreating Commander's back after their first encounter, one he had only caught the tail end of. He had noticed that when she returned from her 'quick word' with the Commander in the Ward Room, that she seemed more relaxed, sad but calmer._

_He had seen her expression, quickly hidden, when the Commander called unexpectedly. He had seen the look in her eyes as Adama left after a meeting, when she thought she was alone in the room. Enough tiny clues to be fairly sure that they had known each other before, in some way._

_And now they were acting like two people who had only just met. _

* * *

_There had never been any question, he always attended Colonial Day celebrations anyway, and he was politically aware enough to know that his presence, as the Commander of the Galactica, protector of the fleet, was important. So he would attend, would circulate as necessary, would keep his temper, and then he would be able to take a little time to mingle with his crew, leaving as always, before the party got too rowdy so as not to put a damper on their celebrations. This Colonial Day, the first since the destruction of their worlds, was an important statement of hope and of their will to survive._

_He tended to avoid dancing at these affairs, it had been years since Carolann had accompanied him to any official functions, and he wasn't that keen on asking strangers to dance. However, when he saw her across the room, watching the whirling crowd and sipping on her drink, knowing as he did how much she loved to dance, he couldn't help himself. Making his way over to her slowly, stopping occasionally as necessary so as not to offend, but never for long, he finally reached his target. Pleased, and a little saddened, at her look of surprise when he offered his arm to lead her to the dance floor. He was happy to do something to please her, simple though it was, and yet she had obviously not expected him to._

_It took only a few moments of adjustment to find their fit with each other again, for her hand to find its spot on his shoulder. She flowed into his arms, and they moved easily in sync with one another. She found herself fighting the temptation to let herself relax completely into his embrace, watching the other couples as a reminder of where they were and why laying her head on his shoulder would not be a wise idea. At the same time she wanted to memorise every second of this dance, something to hold onto as the pain worsened. She could already feel herself weakening as the cancer took hold of her body._

_He was enjoying the bittersweetness of holding her again, even if it was at the respectable distance of a social dance. Feeling her hand in his, warming the gold of the wedding band, a reminder to him and him alone of her real place in his life. What caused him some concern though was the feel that she had lost weight, she seemed almost frail in his arms. Her presence and personality were compelling and held ones focus so it was only now with their physical proximity that he realized the changes in her. Some of it could undoubtedly be put down to stress, but the nagging worry he had felt at the decommissioning returned. Something was wrong. He noticed that Billy, even as he enjoyed a dance with Dee, cast a worried glance at the President from time to time, an expression that disappeared as soon as he saw the Commander's attention. Something was definitely wrong._


	12. Chapter 12

_She had chosen chamalla because she wanted to be able to continue to work until the very last possible moment. With more standard treatments the side effects after each treatment could end up having her out of commission for a day or more. She knew exactly the toll that diloxin took, could not afford the time it would take away from her work for the fleet. When the visions started she was scared by what she saw, but accepted it as a necessary evil, the result of the treatment. Elosha helped her see the meanings of the visions, the outworking of prophecies, and as she saw each fulfilled she had to accept it. And at least this way, her death had some meaning, if she could find safety for her people through these visions, and the price was her life, that was a bargain she was prepared to make._

_Knowing they needed to return to Kobol, knowing they needed to retrieve the arrow from Caprica, didn't make it easy, or even possible to explain it to Commander Adama. She had no concrete, tangible facts to put before him, no compelling military strategy to force him to reconsider, only the absolute certainty that it had to be done. She tried everything she knew to make him understand but all it did was awaken his anger._

_Backed in a corner, she was forced to take matters into her own hands. The two best pilots, the ones who had the best chance of pulling it off and coming back alive, were Lee and Kara, and of them Kara had the most experience flying a raider. The raider was a necessity considering she would be sending someone deep into enemy territory._

_It was possible that Lee would do it if ordered. But there was no way she could do that to Bill. The betrayal might break down the father/son relationship for good, and if he did not survive the mission, she would not be able to face Bill. So she had taken what seemed the lesser of the two evils. Starbuck. However, just ordering her wouldn't work. Even orders from her Commander in Chief would not be enough for her to take on this mission without Adama's approval. She had been forced to reveal her secret, the condition she had wanted to hide for as long as possible, forced to reveal herself as the 'dying leader'. It had still not been sufficient. Only with the knowledge that he did not know the way to earth, the realisation of Adama's lie, had Starbuck finally taken the mission._

_She had anticipated his anger. Even Billy had warned her that this would not end well, that this could result in the end of her government. She had been resigned when he sent the marines to take her into custody, had appreciated Lee's defence of her, but refused to allow the situation to escalate any further. What she had not expected was the wave of sheer icy fury that washed over her as they stood on either side of the bars._

_Even so, she had been certain that with a little time and effort that they could find their way back from this. Maybe not the two of them, and quite possibly not with her as President again, but with a civilian government reinstated._

_Then Lee had been led into the cell next to hers covered in blood, with the horrific tale of his father being shot at point blank range by one of his own soldiers. She felt the world recede, sounds distorted, even as she requested more information, and reassured a shaken Lee. He was in no condition to notice, never mind draw any conclusions from her white knuckled grip on the bars, nor the time lag in her replies._

_She held on, fighting with every ounce of her formidable control, until she could finally, under cover of the darkness of ship's night, release the tears that had been threatening since she heard the news that tore her heart in two. Silently, she shook with the storm of emotion. How was she supposed to deal with this, she had been forced to come to terms with her own mortality, had had the weight of the survival of the human race on her shoulders for months now, but her solace had always been that he was there, knowing that she could go when the time came, that he would take care of her fleet. How much more was she supposed to endure?_


	13. Chapter 13

_Making her way along the darkened corridors of the besieged battleship, expecting at every junction to run into Centurions, she edged closer and closer to her heart. Finally getting to Life Station, she gasped at the sight of the stricken Commander. Pale and absolutely still, he lay, wounds from the attack and the surgery red and raw. Relief coursed through her as she finally accepted that he was alive, stilling the fear that had been lurking unacknowledged, while simultaneously worry settled into a hard knot in her stomach. He was alive for now, but there was still so much that could go wrong. For him and for the fleet._

_She couldn't take his hand and hold on tight as she would have liked to. There were too many people watching. All she could do was reassure Lee, as confidently as she could, that his father would be alright. Taking one last lingering look at his still form, she preceded Tigh out of the room and returned to the brig._

_She hadn't wanted to ask Lee but there was no way that she could get off the ship without his help. With no word on when Bill would wake up and resume control of the fleet, she could not allow Tigh to destroy all they had worked and fought for, what so many of their people had died for, even though leaving without knowing for certain that Bill would be okay was tearing her to shreds._

_She had to confess to a moment of concern for Lee's sanity though when she came face to face with Zarek as they disembarked from the raptor. But unfortunately his reasoning made perfect sense._

_'Well, Mr. Zarek, it would seem that the enemy of my enemy is my friend.'  
'Call me Tom.'_

_Zarek knew that, for now at least, his only hope of achieving his ambitions was through this woman. So he watched and he listened, learning all he could, about her and those she kept close to her. He saw her reliance on Elosha's counsel and comfort, and he saw the trust in Captain Lee Adama. What intrigued him though was the look in her eyes that he caught on occasion. There was pride, with more than a trace of sadness underlying it, when she looked at her Captain Apollo. The pride he could sort of understand but there was something more to it that he was missing. It was also interesting to note that while Apollo obviously respected and protected her, he seemed oblivious to the emotions Zarek had noticed. Well, he would figure it out someday, and in the meantime, there were plans to be made._

_He had been watching Lee when he made the announcement of Zeus' return to Olympus, curious as to his reaction. It had been pretty much as he had expected, relief, joy, hope and fear. What surprised him was Roslin's reaction. From his position he was the only one with a clear view of her as she stood behind Lee, and had seen the release of tension in her shoulders, the relief that crossed her face. Her eyes remained steadfastly lowered, shielding their emotion from view. It seemed almost involuntarily dragged from her, the murmured 'He is a tough old bird.'. It made little sense in light of her previous accommodations aboard Galactica and her current status as fugitive._

_He found himself drawn to her, even as he cynically questioned her choices, reminded himself that she played the game well. And yet, he could not help but be moved at her obvious distress at losing Elosha, felt the need to try and lighten her burdens, found himself querying the choice to remove Lee from the equation._

_Then the Commander turned up. Not to fight but to reconcile, and he knew that for now at least, the battle was lost._

_The reunion between Commander and President was muted, but one thing was clear, they were both glad to see the other. It was seeing Roslin and Billy's meeting that made Zarek realise what it was he had missed in his analysis of her relationship with Apollo. It was maternal pride shining in her eyes._

* * *

_It had taken Dee's gentle slap in the face to force him to think, to take a step back and find the reason for the white hot anger that had overtaken him and still threatened to strangle him._

_He had understood her reasons, had accepted her decision, but had buried the anger. Anger at the Cylons for putting them in this situation, anger at circumstance for putting them both in positions of having to consider everyone else first, and there at the heart of it, anger at her. An anger that he realized now had its basis in fear, that she hadn't loved him enough, that he had failed at this relationship too, that her rejection had been less about the people and more about him._

_This anger that he had kept locked down had exploded when she had gone ahead with her plans behind his back, when she had gone back on her word and told Starbuck of his lie. When she had used the one thing, the only thing that would have convinced Starbuck to go AWOL._

_Being shot by Boomer had been a minor scratch compared to that pain, but it had compounded the feelings of betrayal. Was there no-one he could trust?_

_He realized now that he had clung to that betrayal as he recovered from the surgery, had fed the python wrapped around his heart, because as difficult as that was to deal with, it was easier than the words that tore through his heart causing more pain than Boomer's bullets. 'She said she had terminal breast cancer, that she had only a few months to live.' As soon as he heard it, he knew it was true. It explained so many things. And it meant that the possibility he had dreamed of was lost before it began. Finding a safe haven and being able to lay down their burdens and live again was not going to happen for them. Only for their people._

_He had split the fleet because of his own fears. Had done nothing to fix it because of his own pain and anger._

_It was time to put his family back together again._

_'Mr. Gaeta. I want to see all recon material on Kobol immediately in my quarters.'_

_'This ends now. '_

_'It's always been between her and I.'_


	14. Chapter 14

_Sunlight filtered through the lush forest and created dappled shadows on the ground. The sounds from the camp site were muted in the rustle of the slight breeze through the undergrowth that lifted strands of her hair gently. Birdsong trilled and chorused around them, creating a backdrop for their silent contemplation, taking in and memorising every line, every feature in the other's face, basking in the simple joy of knowing the other was alive._

_Finally, it was Bill who broke the silence._

_"You interfered with a military mission and you broke your word to me."_

_"It's the second part that really bothers you isn't it?"_

_"Laura, I forgive you."_

_For a long moment she could only smile, the tightness in her throat making it impossible to speak. It was the first time since the decommissioning he had used her first name._

_"Thank you Bill."_

_The gentleness in his eyes allowed her to share with him the fear that she had kept suppressed since leaving the colonies, and which had been exacerbated by Starbuck's report of survivors on Caprica, fighting for their lives and homes every day. Had she really made the right decision, convincing Bill to leave, to run?_

_"I didn't come here for this. I didn't come here to nim gaze or to catalogue our mistakes. We made a decision to leave the colonies after the attack. **We** made the decision. It was the right one then and it's the right one now. Because every moment of every day since then is a gift."_

_His quiet confidence was a gift to her._

_"From the gods..."_

_"No, from you, for convincing me that I should go. I would be dead. My son would be dead. Whatever else the costs... I won't second guess that outcome."_

_Tears welled in her eyes at this, after everything she had put him through, after everything they had been through together, he still believed in her. Proving he was prepared to follow this through to the end, he picked up Elosha's scriptures._

_"I think its time to go find this... tomb of yours."_

_And so he was there at her side when they found the tomb of Athena, as she faced losing him when yet another Valerii model pulled her weapon on him, as they entered the tomb, when they found themselves surrounded by the stone circle, and saw the signs and constellations that would lead them to earth. As she made his lies into truth._

_That night after camp was set up and they were left sharing shelter again, he sat watching her, hands clasped together in his lap in an attempt to resist the temptation to touch her, fingers twisting the ring on his finger._

_"We need to unite the fleet again, let them know that we stand together, united. I know it has been a difficult adjustment, finding our footing in this new relationship, but we both pulled away too far, and the distance became a chasm that we couldn't bridge. We can't afford that, neither of us can do this alone. To do that we need to communicate directly."_

_And then the harder conversation, still feeling Saul's words tearing through him every time the memory hit._

_"You have cancer."_

_"Yes."_

_"When did you find out?"_

_"The morning before I left for the Galactica, for the decommissioning ceremony. I was going to tell you when you came home, I didn't want to spoil the ceremony for you."_

_He remembered the flicker of fear in her eyes, the knowledge that she was hiding something, that day when they had managed to find a few moments to themselves. Why hadn't he pushed a little harder, tried to find out what was bothering her? Like her, he had thought they would have time after his retirement._

_"And after?"_

_She turned away, trying to find the words to make him understand, when she wasn't sure she understood herself._

_"I wanted to, I did. I was so scared. But there was so much to do, so much that was more important. And then ..."_

_"You figured it was part of the price."_

_She looked up at him, shocked, as she realized it was the truth. She had figured giving up the comfort she would have received from him, was part of the price she had to pay for the decisions she had made. That she couldn't ask him to be there for her, when she had just asked him to give up their future for the sake of humanity. Then he took her breath away._

_"My wife or my President, my lover or my friend, I will be there with you, every step of the way. I know I forgot this for a while and I am truly sorry, but I made you a promise once, and nothing that has happened or will happen changes that. I am yours, for eternity."_

_Together they made their way back, to the transports that would return them to the fleet, leaving behind the planet that had given them hope of a future, but had taken its cost in blood._

_She had to swallow the lump in her throat and fight for her composure as the hangar deck resounded with applause. It wasn't because of the overwhelming support that was now being shown, it was because of one man. One man who had, once again, taken an uncertain crowd and turned them around. Who had taken the lead and given her his full support, and in doing so, was the only reason that the rest of them were giving her theirs._


	15. Chapter 15

Lee was fighting the overwhelming urge to hang his head and kick the floor. Tory's increasingly exasperated expression as he attempted to answer her questions was making him feel like a seven year old in trouble with the teacher.

Gods, he had known this was a long shot, but he truly hadn't given that much thought to the details involved, just that he wanted, no needed, to do something. Now he was facing up to the fact that the only thing he really knew about the woman his father was going to marry was that her name was Rose. No surname, no date of birth or even approximate age, no colony, no photo and no description of any kind. Maybe he should have run this brilliant idea of his past Starbuck first. She would have mocked him, but that would have been easier to deal with than the icy disdain with which Tory seemed to be viewing him.

Laura Roslin appeared in the doorway, looking a little confused to find him in conference with her aide, and he suddenly realized how awkward it could be to try and explain his quest to her. Tory cut across his jumbled thoughts, dismissing him.

"I will get someone to look into this, but I am sure you realize that with so little information to go on, the likelihood of finding anything is slim."

"Yes, I understand. Thanks for your help." With a nod towards Laura and a "Madam President." he took his leave, kicking himself as he went.

Laura raised an eyebrow at her aide and queried.

"What was that about?"

"He wants to look for someone, with only a first name and absolutely no details to go on. I don't know what he really expects to find. Honestly, sometimes I think men don't think at all."

"You may be right." Laura responded with a grin. "Who is he looking for?"

"Some woman called Rose." Tory was too busy glaring at the clipboard in her hands to notice the expression on Laura's face at her revelation, an expression that was gone by the time she looked up to ask, "Was there something you wanted, ma'am?"

"I just wanted to check where those papers on the tyllium ship were. Could you also get me the Admiral?"

--xx--

"Bill, Lee's looking for Rose."

Silence was her only answer as Bill digested this new information.

"Well, what are you going to do?" she demanded when it didn't appear as if an answer was going to be forthcoming.

"Not a lot I can do." was the calm reply.

"What do you mean? Shouldn't you stop him?"

"Laura, he is looking for 'Rose', he is not going to find anything. Let him look."

She huffed out a breath, annoyed with herself for stressing about nothing, and annoyed with him for being so calm and reasonable.

"Although I have to say, does he really think I wouldn't have already done a search?"

The wry tone was calculated to make her laugh, and she then relaxed into their normal banter.


	16. Chapter 16

_A few weeks, a month at the most.  
__A few weeks, a month at the most.__  
Unless it goes to your brain.  
Unless it goes to your brain._

_The words beat a rhythm in her brain, providing a backdrop to the day. She was still in shock, but she could feel the cracks beginning, as the words hammered against increasingly brittle defences._

_Dum – da-dah – da-da-da-da – dum_

_A – few-weeks – a-month-at-the – most  
…. – un-less – it-goes-to-your – brain_

_Dum – da-dah – da-da-da-da – dum_

_A – few-weeks – a-month-at-the – most  
…. – un-less – it-goes-to-your – brain_

_Packing up her things, she took a last long look around the cabin that had been her sanctuary so many times in the last few months. She had been working to a deadline ever since the attacks, but the sudden confirmation that time was truly running out was proving harder than expected to cope with. She just had to make it through today, then she could deal with it in the privacy of her room tonight._

_A few weeks, a month at the most.  
Unless it goes to your brain._

_The biggest challenge was going to be facing Adama. She knew she needed to tell him, but if she even tried to do it now, she knew she would break down. However, he knew her so well she wasn't sure she was going to be able to hide how she was feeling from him today._

_A few weeks, a month at the most.  
Unless it goes to your brain._

_As if her thoughts had conjured him, he appeared through the hatch. She took a deep breath and drew on her crumbling reserves. With a big smile, she thanked him for offering her his cabin, chatted lightly about plans for the day, and then handed him 'Dark Day', her gift tucked safely inside it for him to find._

_"It belongs in your collection."_

_It didn't matter if he found it hours, days, weeks or months from now, before or after her death. She just wanted him to have something of hers, something tangible to go along with the memories only he would carry. A love letter if you like, although an actual one would be too dangerous, could fall into the wrong hands and prompt too many questions._

_A few weeks, a month at the most.  
Unless it goes to your brain._

_His gaze as he took the book from her was piercing, and she knew he had taken in her fragility and was wondering at the message in the return of the book. She braced herself for the questions, and was disconcerted when instead he began explaining the problems Galactica was facing and asked her advice. They discussed his options and she gave him her thoughts._

_Leaving to attend the Quorum meeting, she smiled to herself, he trusted her to do her job. That simple fact meant more to her than she could say._

_A few weeks, a month at the most.  
Unless it goes to your brain._

_Later, she was back on Galactica for the unveiling of the Blackbird. Her heart swelled as she looked at what they had achieved. Not content with just maintaining what they could in the endless running, they had created something new. This right here was just one example of why humanity deserved to survive. Hope and faith, two qualities that were going to help them not only to survive, but actually live._

_It was not enough to live, you had to have something to live for._

_A few weeks, a month at the most.  
Unless it goes to your brain._

_When she saw what they had named the ship, she couldn't speak for the emotions swirling through her. Pride in their accomplishment, hope for what it meant for their future, appreciation for the honour they had given and the affection they showed her, intense sadness at the knowledge that she would not survive._

_She managed a "Thank you" that fortunately didn't sound too strangled. And stood aside to let them enjoy their success, and to regain control of her emotions._

_Dum – da-dah – da-da-da-da – dum_

_A – few-weeks – a-month-at-the – most  
…. – un-less – it-goes-to-your – brain_

_He appeared at her side, with gentle words. Letting her know that this was his crew's gift to her._

_"They wanted to do that for you."_

_She smiled up at him, meeting his eyes and letting him see how much she had appreciated the gesture, even if she couldn't articulate it._

_The emotional upheavals of the day had left her worn out. Apparently seeing this, he offered her his arm, and an escort back to his cabin. Pouring them both a drink, he turned on some light music, placed the glasses on the coffee table and offered his hand to her as she sat on the sofa. With a quizzical look, she allowed herself to be drawn upwards, and into his arms. Relaxing finally when she realized his intentions, she placed her head on his shoulder and allowed him to sway her gently to the music. His warmth enveloped her and even the constant tattoo in her brain receded._

_His cheek rested against her hair, and his breath ruffled the satin strands as he whispered,_

_"How long?"_


	17. Chapter 17

_There were so many positives to their newest encounter. Excitement that there were further survivors of the destruction of their worlds. The number on her white board was going to go up! It was another battlestar, which could only benefit the defence of their fleet. So the tiny negatives that nagged at the back of her mind were pushed aside for now._

_The voice on the other end of the line calling Bill, Adama rather than Commander. The woman stepping onto Galactica's hangar deck and welcoming them back to the Colonial fleet. Bill's salute held until her answering one. An icy feeling trickled down her spine though, as all these moments came together in one word, "Sir", and she realized just how much things were going to change._

_"You look like I shot your dog."_

_"The Admiral is my superior officer."_

_"The Commander and I have been through a lot together."_

_Bill's eyebrow went up, just fractionally, but she knew exactly what he was thinking._

_'Understatement of the century.'_

_The urge to giggle was quashed by a prescient quiver of fear and instead she excused herself. Their future was suddenly in the hands of an unknown entity and it scared her._

_It was a fear that only grew as time went on. As the new admiral refused to accept her calls, as she continued to get reports of Galactica being resupplied while other ships were being refused or put off. As Billy kept her in the loop with the latest gossip circulating the fleet, the unease at something very wrong on their newest battlestar, rumours of a civilian fleet left to die, rumours of executions._

_She could only imagine how Bill must be feeling. As she had said to him, if President Adar had stepped off that raptor she would have been happy. Happy to no longer have the entire responsibility on her shoulders, a responsibility she had never wanted, never aimed for. And yet, it would have been hard to give up command, hard to put her life back into the hands of another._

_Laura had learned to trust her instincts about people. Who she could or couldn't trust, how far and with what they could be trusted._

_It wasn't the fact that Admiral Cain considered her 'just' the Secretary of Education, that she wasn't capable of her role as President of the Twelve Colonies. Far too many people had made the same judgement, both now and with every step she had taken up the ladder, and been proved wrong, for her to hold that against anyone._

_There was something in her eyes, a hardness that spoke of hatred and revenge, untempered by any evidence of compassion._

_Finally it culminated in the frightening sight of the two battlestars taking position against each other, and two fleets of Vipers being launched. Only the arrival of Starbuck in the Blackbird and the intel she brought had headed off the catastrophe, at least for the moment._

_"You're lucky you're not staring at your own arrest warrant."_

_The words settled as a cold dread in Laura's stomach. This woman had proven that she had no qualms about being judge, jury and executioner, and she did not take kindly to someone taking an opposing stance. There was no way Bill was going to stand down from any fight he believed in and with sudden but absolute certainty Laura knew that this would end only one way. For Bill's survival, for the continued safety of her fleet, she could not let that happen._

_And with so little time left, she couldn't afford to be subtle._

_"You are going to have to kill her!"_

* * *

_He had known immediately he heard Helena Cain's voice that things were going to change. Along with the relief that came with the support of another battlestar and a senior officer, there was also fear at the loss of control._

_He was impressed by what they had gone through, what they had survived, and couldn't help but consider how he would have done in a similar situation. Somewhat reassured by her assurance that she had no intention of interfering with his command, he was worried about her reaction to Laura. Although it was not unprecedented and he was certain that with time Laura could bring her round, it was concerning that she had so little respect for the civilian government._

_When he received his new orders, he was angry. Angry that she had gone back on her word so easily, that she couldn't see beyond the obvious to the team that had been built. Angry with himself because he had allowed himself to go soft in expectation of his retirement, angry at individuals for putting him in this position, angry that after a lifetime of taking orders and months of being the final authority, he found himself wanting to buck the chain of command._

_Her summary judgement had been the final straw, and he refused to stand down and allow his men to be executed. Where before the destruction she had been been focussed and ambitious, she had had to be to become an admiral so quickly, life since had hardened that focus apparently and now she rode roughshod over anything and anyone that stood in her way._

_Sitting in Laura's office, granted a reprieve by the agreement on the importance of the mission, he was considering all the options, tactics and plans because there was absolutely no way he was going to allow Helo and Tyrol to die for this. Laura's voice interrupted his thoughts._

_"You are going to have to kill her."_

_All he could think was, 'Has the world gone mad?'_

_He didn't want to even consider it, but the more information Saul was able to glean, and the more he himself saw, the more he realized that, frighteningly, Laura may well be right. There was only one way this was going to end._


	18. Chapter 18

_Worse than that though, was the terrifying reality that he was faced with when he went to meet Laura and found her looking weaker than he had ever seen her. Pale and wan, without the energy to sit up, she was still smiling and intent on cheering him up._

_"I have good days and bad days, but I am not going to die today."_

_He smiled but his heart twisted at the thought that he was losing her, and it was going to be sooner rather than later. Refusing to let her see his pain, knowing she needed to be positive and for him to do the same, he turned instead to the business that had brought him there and explained all that he had managed to learn about Cain. When she reiterated her solution, he had to reluctantly agree that she was right, but could only wonder at the seeming ease with which she could consider it._

_The thought was pushed aside at her coughing fit and he hovered feeling useless, able only to offer her water. When she had her breathing back under control, he offered her his hand, a small gesture of support. Gratified at her acceptance, his thumb traced the fragile bones, memorising the feel of her skin, and soothing her, even as they joked about new cylon bodies and Laura as a blonde. He could see her tiring though, and reluctantly tore himself away._

_It was in her eyes when he looked back at her final comment, that he finally understood her seeming ruthlessness over Cain. She was afraid for him. She could not let anything endanger her fleet, but the carefully concealed terror in her eyes had nothing to do with the fleet and everything to do with him. He could only respond with a gruff nod and a silent promise._

_It was a very long day, filled with emotional rollercoasters, before he saw her again. She was obviously having a better day, but her pallor worried him. He filled her in on the success of the mission, hopefully the cylons would back off at least for a while without the fallback of the resurrection ship, and the unexpected assassination of Admiral Cain by the escaped cylon prisoner. He could see his own relief mirrored in her eyes that their plan had not been needed._

_Suddenly she looked like a kid with a delicious secret, one she was preparing to let him in on. Amused at her obvious delight and curious as to what had perked her up so, he waited as Billy brought her a small box._

_"Rumour has it that I know very little about military protocol, but I do believe that someone who commands more than one ship is called an admiral. Congratulations, Admiral Adama."_

_"Thank you, Madame President. Thank you, Billy. I um, never gave up hope, I just stopped trying to get these a long time ago."_

_  
"Just goes to show you, Bill. Never give up hope."  
_

_It was an impulse, born of the emotions swirling in the moment. Gratitude for both the gift she had given him and the clear demonstration of her trust. A warm wave of affection for the strong woman with sunset hair and seagreen eyes who had captured his heart. A hint of the heartbreak that awaited. An offer of support. Affirmation of his love.  
_

_Tucking his finger under her chin, he lifted her face, waiting until their eyes met, letting her see how he felt, before leaning forward to place a gentle kiss on her lips.  
As he watched the smile grow on her face, he knew it had been the right thing to do. As she opened her eyes, the faintest hint of moisture visible, he knew how much the small gesture had meant to her.  
_

_He just wished there was something more he could have done.  
_

_Knowing she needed to lie down, her strength on the verge of giving out, she accepted Billy's arm and his silent offer to take her to her room, but she was reluctant to let go of Bill. Unable to give voice to her feelings and her appreciation she could only grip his arm gently, letting her fingers trail as she moved away, ensuring contact with him till the last possible moment. Back in his quarters, he picked up Dark Day from on the corner of his desk where it had sat since she had returned it. His fingers caressed the cover, while his mind ranged over the woman who would forever be linked with it in his mind. Grief hit and he clenched the book to his chest, before placing it carefully back on his desk. He had a feeling it would be months at least before he would be able to open the book again. Bruised and battlescarred as his heart was, he knew with absolute certainty that losing her would be a wound that would bleed, unseen, unknown to anyone but him, until the day he died._


	19. Chapter 19

_Focussing was difficult, between her flickering consciousness and the intermittent flashes of overhead lights as she was wheeled through the corridors of Galactica on her final journey to Life Station. Billy's worried face kept her company as he sped alongside her, even though it too twisted and faded from time to time._

_The pain was becoming unbearable and she found herself drifting in and out of awareness, reliving moments of her last day on Caprica. The day the doctor had given her her death sentence, the day Richard Adar had proved how little he respected her, he wanted, needed her ideas, wanted her, but his was the only vision that mattered. The day she had discovered, without realizing it until now, that Gauis Baltar was more than just a strange if brilliant man, he was involved with the Cylons somehow._

_She had so little time, and a few final things she needed to accomplish. The hard decisions to protect the fleet, because if she made them, it wouldn't fall to others, those who would be hurt by it or those who would choose to ignore the difficult decisions in favour of what they wanted. That done she allowed herself to fade for a while._

_In her next period of awareness, she looked up to find Billy at her side. His constant attendance was a balm to her, and she had made sure that he was aware of her appreciation and of how much he had come to mean to her. They both had tears in their eyes as she tried to find a way to say goodbye to the young man who had been so much more than an aide to her. At the end of their civilizations, alone, they had bonded and become family. Aware her strength was fading fast, she asked Billy to call the Admiral the next time she woke._

_Ever efficient, the Admiral was standing opposite Billy when she surfaced. She squeezed Billy's hand and directed him to raise the bed for her._

_"Give us the room, please. And make sure we aren't disturbed, thank you Billy."_

_He looked over at the Admiral as he left, and she could have sworn that there was an agreement made in their silent conversation, a handover of duty. If she had had the strength she would have chided them, as it was she could only raise her eyebrows in unspoken rebuke._

_She waited until Billy had left before shifting over slightly and patting the space she had left, the wordless command clear, and he obeyed, half sitting on the bed, his thigh warm against her hip. She tried to lift her arm, sighing in frustration as it dropped back to the bed, meeting his eyes as she found her elbow supported by his hand, lifting her arm, giving her the strength to reach her fingers to his face. Her eyes tracked her fingertips as she traced the lines and contours of his face, learning and relearning. Featherlight touches as she imprinted this sensory memory._

_Finally her palm rested against his cheek and he leant, ever so slightly, into it. His hand drifted from her elbow to cover hers, while her thumb brushed against the corner of his mouth. Their eyes met and held._

_"I remember." She broke off, coughing. As Bill tried to shush her, encouraging to save her strength, she shook her head and continued, her voice husky with the difficulty breathing. "I remember a warm sunny summer afternoon, ... squashed sandwiches and fruit juice, ... a flask of ambrosia and a soft blanket, the scent of ... roses heavy in the air. I was lying ... curled up against the man I had fallen in love with, ... under the shadow of the ... oldest Fire Rose ... bush existing on Caprica, listening ... to his heartbeat under my ear. I thought ... the afternoon couldn't get any better. ... Then he did something ... I wasn't expecting, ... he asked me to ... marry him. I couldn't breathe, ... it was such a ... perfect moment."_

_She paused as they both remembered._

_"I don't think ... I ever truly ... told him how much ... he meant to me."_

_"He knew." His eyes had darkened to the colour of a storm, the emotions clear to anyone who knew him well._

_"I told him ... I loved him, ... I did. But I never found ... a way to explain ... how much strength he gave me. And especially ... since the attacks, ... knowing that he ... loved me, ... the memories, ... gave me the strength to ... keep fighting. The memory of ... that afternoon, more than ... anything else, kept me ... sane, gave me ... moments of peace ... in all the madness."_

_"Laura." It was equal parts benediction and plea._

_"I love you Bill. Never doubt that." Her strength was fading fast now, but she held his gaze, letting him see the truth in her eyes._

_"And I love you."_

_He turned her hand into his and lowered it to rest on his lap, remaining there long after she had lost the battle with consciousness._

* * *

_The doctor leaned back in his chair with a deep sigh, shaking his head. He hated losing a patient at any time, and this one had done what most would have sworn impossible and wormed her way into his heart. What he had just learned merely added to his depression. He had slipped through the privacy screens the Admiral had requested, intent on checking on his patient's vitals, but had stopped immediately at the sight before him. Unaware of his presence, the President and the Admiral, no, Laura and Bill, were completely wrapped up in each other. Tears glistened in Laura's eyes as he heard her whispered, 'I love you Bill. Never doubt that.' and the gruff tones in reply, 'And I love you.'. Dr Cottle doubted anyone had ever heard so much emotion in Bill's voice. Deciding his patient needed this more than anything he could do, he had slipped out unobserved. He sighed again. 'Damn!' There was no way he could see that this was going to end well._

_The memories of his CO when he first met him came irresistibly to mind. William 'Husker' Adama's reputation had preceded him and many of the crew already had a case of hero worship before he had even set foot back on Galactica to assume his new command. The kind of commander he proved to be and his habit of learning his crews names and a little bit about each of them turned that hero worship into love and loyalty. Scuttlebutt, as usual, was mostly rumour and exaggeration, but it did bring the information that his new CO had recently lost a son in a Viper accident, and whispered of a family torn apart by it. Dr Cottle had sat back, watched and listened and drawn his own conclusions. The man was a good CO and a great leader. A good military man, who still cared about the people serving under him. But Cottle also saw what most others didn't, the layer of pain underneath it all, the tension wound through him, hidden by the calm exterior. It was a tension that only started to ease in the months leading up to the decommissioning. He could see only too clearly that the man he had first met would be back to stay soon._

_Laura's periods of lucidity were growing shorter and the intervals between them longer, and she knew the end was coming fast. Then she woke with a start, her body encompassed in pain, her bed surrounded, machines squawking and came face to face with the man in her flashbacks, the one twined around the blonde cylon. She tried to pull back, tried to give voice to her realisation but her body failed her. She searched the room and found the deep blue of Bill's eyes, allowing the security he offered to wash over her and ground her in the moment. After Cottle had dismissed everyone and examined her, she learned what had happened. Bill had allowed Dr Baltar to test his theory, and amazingly, it seemed to be working, the hybrid baby's blood was fighting her cancer._


	20. Chapter 20

"I managed to sneak a look at the the results of the search Tory did of the survivors register for Lee. There are quite a few results, she searched for all names that could be shortened to Rose as well."

"She is efficient."

"Yes she is. There would have been more results of course, but she limited it to woman over 20 years old."

She was rewarded by the a choking sound as the Admiral swallowed some of his water down the wrong way.

"Are you OK?" she asked solicitously, even as she grinned to herself.

"Fine. Always good to know what people really think."

"Mmm, yes. Although to be fair, I don't think Lee told her why he was looking for Rose. So it is really no reflection on you, she just widened all the ranges to maximise the possibility of finding her. Oh, look, this one is 92!"

He was a little better prepared this time and so avoided choking again.

"Laura, you are having way too much fun with this." he growled.

"Of course, I am. Girl's gotta get her kicks where she can." She scanned the page a bit further. "Here is another, in the right age bracket, blonde hair, blue eyes, just the way you like them." Only because he knew her so well, did he hear the faint undertone of vulnerability through her teasing. As he opened his mouth to answer though, there was a knock at his hatch.

"Come." he called, turning back to the handset as Saul walked in, he nodded a greeting and gestured to the phone.

"I'm sorry I have to go, Madam President, but there is one thing I think you should keep in mind. A Caprican Fire Rose only comes in one colour."

He could almost hear her smile.

"Goodnight Bill."

"Goodnight."

"You two discussing flowers now as well as the state of the fleet?" Saul gruffly asked, as he picked up two glasses and began filling them from the bottle he had brought with him. The two men settled themselves on the sofa with a sigh.

"Long day?"

"Yup, you?"

"Yeah."

In companionable silence they drank slowly, letting the pressures of the day ease away.

Saul found himself considering yet again the strange relationship his best friend had with the President of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol. It had gone through so many ups and downs, so many changes, more than any other in this crazy, end of the world, fighting for survival, reality that they were living.

He remembered the first time he had seen her, the Secretary of Education, giving a speech at the decommissioning of the Galactica, smooth practised words flowing over the audience, but a hint of the fire beneath. He had watched Bill watching her, during her speech and after, after his surprise turn on the stand. Even through the ambrosia, thirty years as a man's friend meant he could interpret that look in his eye. He had wondered then, had almost been convinced that this was the woman Bill had been seeing back on Caprica. After all, the shell he had retreated behind after Zac's death had grown so thick, he had been wondering when he would ever see Bill again. Then he had noticed the slow softening, the light coming back into Bill's eyes, being able to once again share a laugh in his quarters again. And Bill hadn't looked at a woman that way since, well actually he couldn't remember when.

He had been so sure, that he had been expecting her to move into Bill's quarters. If not during the timed attacks, who had time for anything then, then as soon as possible thereafter.

But then they became excruciatingly formal with one another, even when they were arguing about the fate of the fleet. The only thing that didn't change was the look in Bill's eyes as he watched her leave the room. It didn't make sense and he concluded he must have been wrong, and she was just a woman who had somehow crept under Bill's armour. It was somewhat surprising, given that it wasn't in character for Bill to move on quickly from any love lost, but these were crazy times. He had idly wondered what had happened to the woman on Caprica, guessed that she must have died along with everyone else, but he was too wrapped up in his issues with Ellen to try and force Bill to talk.

It wasn't until Colonial Day and 'The Dance', as silly romantics in the crew dubbed it, that he thought Bill's attraction might just be reciprocated. He silently cheered Bill on, even though he still didn't understand what it was he saw in the fiery redhead. For his money, she was more trouble than she was worth, but then he and Bill had never had the same taste in women.

Of course, it all fell to pieces shortly after that. He wasn't sure he would have believed it if he hadn't heard her admit to it herself. His anger rose, and he stood foursquare behind Bill in his decision. He had never seen Bill as angry as he was when he stormed out of the brig and set off for CIC to deal with his son. His thoughts stuttered around the shooting, he refused to dwell on it, but it had left him in charge, and there was no way that woman was getting away with anything on his watch. She had suborned mutiny on Bill's ship, she had caused his family to betray him and she had hurt the man himself. As far as he was concerned, there was no going back from that. So you could have knocked him down with a feather when after storming round in a quiet rage ever since he had left Life Station, Bill walked into CIC and announced that he was going to Kobol to put the fleet, to put the family back together. He would never ever understand the hold this woman had on the Adama men.

Since then of course, relations had been mostly warm with the occasional icy spats of violent disagreement. It was on New Caprica that he finally began to see something in the schoolteacher President. After the Cylons had invaded and the fleet had jumped away, he had taken it upon himself to ensure her safety, knowing that that would have been what Bill would have wanted. It was then he finally got to see the tempered steel underneath the politician's smile. She had had his protection for Bill's sake, now she had his loyalty for her own. Her utter conviction that the Admiral would return impressed him, in the midst of so many doubters, he and she stood together.

The weeks after returning to the fleet were lost in a haze of anger and alcohol, but when he finally pulled himself together and lifted his head up, he saw Bill had surrounded himself with the cylon and her husband. Laura's time on New Caprica had hardened her, and there was a distance in the way she interacted with everyone, but she and Bill seemed to be well on their way to rediscovering their former ease with each other. Even the aftermath of the discovery of the hybrid child appeared to have been overcome after a few weeks of Bill's bitterness and icy treatment.

He was left wondering if they would actually move forward now, or remain in this limbo they seemed to have created for themselves. He had no doubt by now of Bill's feelings, and was fairly sure of hers. The question now of course, was did he want to face the lion in his den and actually ask the question.

He looked up to find Bill's eyes on him, a silent query in them. 'Oh well,' he thought, 'you only live once, might as well give it a go.'

"So, you gonna do anything about this thing you have for Roslin, or not?"


	21. Chapter 21

_Billy was a silent, almost forgotten presence behind her as she watched the cylon pace her cell, rubbing her belly gently. The child that she had ordered aborted had saved her life. How was she supposed to feel now? The pain was gone, a recent enough memory to bring a wave of relief every time she remembered. She could feel herself growing stronger slowly. There was so much she had still wanted to do for the fleet and now she had the chance, so how could she not be glad about being able to. Bill loved her, how could she not be glad to be alive._

_And yet, she had made her peace with death, with her role in the prophecies and where did that leave her now._

_For her cure to come from such a source. How was she supposed to feel about the fact that she owed her life to a man she despised and a child who could very well mean the end of her race?_

_The fact that the hybrid had saved her life did not change the facts, the cylons saw her as their major achievement, as their saviour. How could that possibly bode well for the fleet. At the very least, they would step up their attacks in order to retrieve her, even if in and of herself she turned out not to be harmful._

_She had done many things that, before the end of their worlds, she would never have dreamed possible, but ordering the death of this child was something she was not sure she could do. Not now._

_There had to be a way._

_And of course, there were other things she needed to deal with, decisions she needed to make. More personal ones, but just as important and without the few weeks leeway the cylon's pregnancy still afforded. She had broken down all the barriers between herself and Bill, not wanting to die and leave him without the confirmation of her love for him. But she had survived. Could they go back to the professional distance they had kept, could she ask that of him again? Could she take the step back?_

* * *

_Bill feels like dancing in the streets they don't have anymore and shouting to the stars they flee through. She is alive and the cancer is dead._

_But for everything there is a price. Nothing has changed since that fateful day, nothing and everything._

_So the next time he sees her, he will hold her gaze and let her see his heart for just a moment. Then he will call her 'Madam President'._

* * *

_Cottle was annoyed. He was confused and he hated being confused, it annoyed him._

_Bill would come to him, eyes on his destination, and ask the same question. 'How is she?' He would answer, these days thankfully the answers were better and better, he would see the relief in his CO's eyes, then Bill would continue on to the President's bedside._

_And business continued as normal. There was no glimpse of the couple he had seen, their hearts in their eyes, as they said goodbye. It was as if it had never happened, almost enough to make him wonder if he really had seen it._


	22. Chapter 22

_She had spent her time since leaving the Galactica, with her attention split between the growing controversy surrounding the cylon prisoner and wondering how things were going with Billy. It had taken her just a moment after he had walked off to decipher his final comment, and a wide grin had split her face. She had been watching his and Dee's growing relationship with maternal pride and indulgent amusement. It was good to see the young building lives for themselves, even amidst the horrors of surviving._

_Billy had become so very dear to her. His steadfast support and wise counsel were a boon to her in her position. She had high hopes for him, and could easily see him taking over as President in the future. He had a political acumen, tied with the desire to help others, that reminded her of a young Richard Adar, before a lifetime of politics had hardened him, before he had become more interested in keeping his job than doing his job._

_She knew family was important to Billy, and that losing his had hit him hard, and she smiled at the thought that he was creating his own family now. She looked forward to the time when he would introduce his children to her, and knew that no matter what relationship was acknowledged, in her heart they would be her grandchildren._

_Noises coming from the outer office announced Billy's return and shook her out of yet another daydream. She smiled as she waited for his entrance, pretending to focus on the work in front of her until she saw his shadow cross the threshold._

_"So, when do I need to arrange …" was all she managed as she looked up. One look at his face and she knew things were very wrong._

_"Gods, what happened Billy?_

_"Nothing. She said no."_

_"Come here." She moved over to the seats and patted the one next to her. Unwilling, but obedient to her command, Billy sat down, his face closed._

_"If she can't see what she has in you, that's her loss, Billy, not yours. I know it's hard to believe right now, but the right person will come along and being with them will be worth everything, even all the pain now."_

_"Like you and the Admiral?"_

_Shock held her frozen as she tried to work out what had just happened and what she should do about it. She recognised the tactics, she had used them herself often enough, 'attack is the best form of defence'. Not wanting to deal with a discussion of his personal life, Billy had turned the focus onto her. The question now though was, would she let him get away with it, and how much did he actually know._

_Then she realized, the real question should be, did she trust him. It was the end of their worlds, he had stood by her, supported her through a sudden ascent to the presidency and nearly dying, become the nearest thing she had to family._

_"Yes."_

_She almost laughed out loud at the expression on Billy's face. He had obviously expected a denial, possibly anger, definitely an end to the conversation, and wasn't quite sure what to do with this turn of events._

_"So you did know each other."_

_"Yes."_

_"How? ... Wh ..."_

_"We were engaged."_

_Billy's eyes went wide. He hadn't expected that. He had guessed that they had known one another before, had been sure they had been close, but this went beyond everything. And it made their relationship since make even less sense than before._

_"Then why...?"_

_"We had kept it low key. No-one left alive knew of our plans. What would you have thought if I had announced immediately after the exodus, after becoming the president, that I was marrying the military leader of the fleet?"_

_She could see in his eyes, as he cycled through the scenarios and probable reactions, that he understood._

_"Exactly." She nodded._

_"But ... to stand alone, when you could have had ..."_

_"I had his support. Never doubt that. And knowing him, loving him, gave me the strength I needed to do what I had to do, what I still have to do, and lead this fleet to Earth."_

* * *

_She sat on the transport heading for Galactica, desperately holding onto her calm façade, trying not to think of all the worst case scenarios that kept presenting themselves in technicolour. The knowledge that Bill's son was also in danger only added to her worry, now there were two lives hanging in the balance that made this situation personal. The son her heart had adopted and her almost stepson._

_She stood in CIC, making reasoned arguments to the two men, both just as personally involved as she, even as her heart cried out for them to do whatever it took._

_Pain lanced through her as she heard Starbuck's report of the failed attempt and Lee's injury. She could see the pain through the shuttered look on Adama's face, and prayed that somehow Captain Apollo would make it through this._

_She was equal parts surprised, and not, by Adama's apparent capitulation. While she knew how he felt about dealing with terrorists, she also knew how far he would go to protect his family. What she was not sure of was what his plan was, she could only hope that he had one and was not simply reacting._

_She was left in CIC, listening for the report, praying, while he carried out his plan._

* * *

_"Is this what you gave them?"_

_"It was a calculated risk." He had shut down, but she was in too much pain herself to reach out to him yet. That would have to wait for a later time._

_She kicked herself later, for reacting to his tone instead of what she knew to be true._

_"It wasn't worth it." Her voice was bitter, and she knew he would read it as blame._

_Nothing could be worth the life that had lost today, not to her. Billy was dead. Another life over before it had really had a chance. Howcome was she still alive?_

_Billy was dead._

_Billy was dead._


	23. Chapter 23

_"Better the devil you know."_

_That's what she had said._

_She knew having Zarek one heartbeat away from the presidency would be dangerous for the fleet, and murder for her, more than likely literally. She couldn't hand that much power over to a man who had proved that he cared more about making his political point than the lives of those involved._

_Besides which, it was generally true that those who led a revolution were seldom the best ones to lead their people into peace after the revolution. It required two very different sets of qualities from a leader._

_So she had gone with the devil she knew._

_She had known from the start that they needed his genius, and drafted him in to service. She knew when she chose him as VP that, politically, she needed his popularity and charisma. She never trusted him, his genius was only exceeded by his ego and sense of self preservation, knew that he would betray her without a second thought if he thought it was in his best interest, but she thought she knew enough to know where the dangers lay._

_How could she have known, how could she possibly have dreamed, that he would turn out to be a traitor to their entire species?_

_Had she somehow missed some clue as to what he was?_

_What was even worse was knowing that it was true and not being able to prove it. Her visions of Kobol had split the fleet, her status as dying leader and her success at finding the tomb of Athena had bought her support, but now – she wasn't dying anymore, and her deathbed vision proved that Baltar was a traitor. Only the most faithful might be persuaded to believe that she spoke the truth about the man who had saved her life._

_She was forced to make one of the most difficult decisions of her life, and go against everything she believed in, because on the basis of his figures the future of their civilisation depended on it. It was painful to have to stand in front of the fleet and take one more freedom away from them after they had lost so much, but he twisted the knife in the wound when he turned around and accuse her of being like the Cylons by doing so. Announcing he was intending to run against her was nothing compared to the betrayal in those harsh words._

_She knew she was the better politician and the better leader. He had a base of support it was true, both from his fame before the destruction of the Colonies, and ironically, from the position she gave him. It didn't stop the fact that any debate, any public speaking at that kind of level, made her nervous. Bill helped just by being there, even though he was more amused than anything at her descent into nervous giggles. Finally managing to calm herself just before entering the lion's den, she used the opportunity and the excuse to press against his side for a brief moment, and draw strength from his warmth and solidity. His tiny smile was a gentle caress. He watched with pride as she entered the room, upright and shoulders squared, before making his way to the side of the room where he could keep an eye on her and the room. His marines were dotted strategically around the room to provide as much security for her as he could._


	24. Chapter 24

She thought back over the day as she sat watching him, her fingers running soothingly through his thick curls.

Everyone had been worried, but no one had expected Starbuck to fall apart so drastically that she would happily take a nosedive into oblivion.

Even Laura herself had been somewhat concerned when she saw Starbuck, the young woman had seemed haunted. They had become closer down on New Caprica, before the cylons came. Laura had assumed that Starbuck was keeping an eye on her for Bill, either at his request or because she felt that was what he would want. Laura had encouraged the process for a similar reason, she knew how Bill felt about Starbuck, and wanted to do what she could to be there for his 'daughter'. With the occupation by the cylons however, Kara had disappeared, and was not heard from until the Exodus. Since returning to the fleet, Laura had found little opportunity to speak to Kara, and Kara had avoided her in general.

She had only to look in Bill's eyes this morning though to see how worried he was about his 'daughter', and she had decided to make sure she spoke to Kara soon and see if there was some way she could help.

When she had heard the news, her first thought had been 'She was saying goodbye.', closely followed by the second, 'Oh my Gods, Bill!'.

She had demanded the Tory get her on the next available transport to Galactica, but it had still been hours before she had finally found herself standing at his hatch. His guards had informed her that he had asked not to be disturbed, but made no attempt to bar her from entering. With a deep breath, she had let herself in to find the cabin in semi darkness, one lamp sitting drunkenly in the corner the only light in the room. Treading carefully, she had headed in the direction of the desk, to turn on just one more light so she could at least navigate without falling over anything. On arrival though she had been confronted with a minefield of papers, files and books. Obviously the desk had been cleared in a fit of rage. As she turned on the nearest lamp, she had seen yet another victim of the rampage, the sailing ship, so delicately built and so carefully varnished and painted, lay in a tangled heap of wood, material and rope. Tears welled at the sight, every tiny indication pointing to a soul in torment, lost in grief and rage.

Searching the room, she had finally found the man himself, sprawled on the floor, propped up by the sofa, bottle in his hand, and tear tracks still visible on his face. Tumbling over unheeded obstacles she had landed on her knees next to him, suppressing a sob that had nothing to do with her pain, and everything to do with the agony she felt radiating from him.

Pushing, pulling, whispering and cajoling, she finally managed to get him up and into his rack. She pulled off his boots and manoeuvred him out of his jacket. Exhausted because he had been semi conscious and only minimally helpful, she sat on the side of the bed to catch her breath, using this short break to run her eyes over his features. It was hardly the best time, but there were so few opportunities for her to simply look at him. She moved to get up, to do some tidying and then to leave, when he moaned and shifted until he was curled around her, his chest against her hip and his arms wrapped around her waist. With a sigh and a tiny smile, she realized she was going nowhere, she could not deny him whatever comfort he could find.

And so she sat, running her fingertips gently through his curls, soothing away the tensions that caused him to groan in his sleep, whispering words of comfort and love. And remembered. The many, many months on Caprica, as he slowly wooed her, gently taught her that love was given, not demanded, was shared not taken, that it was possible to trust without being weakened. The warm summer days spent in the park, cold winter nights curled up in front of the fire, the ever present language of literature. And finally, just weeks before the decommissioning ceremony, that warm fragrant afternoon and the question. The plans, the hopes, the dreams and the promises.

Her other hand curled into his, found the metal band that proved his continued devotion, the one she hadn't realized was theirs until recently. The rings, the inscription, that they had chosen, together. She hadn't known that he had already collected them from the jewellers, had thought them destroyed, lost to them forever. Yet he wore it, even though she had broken both their hearts to serve the fleet.

She was his, and he was hers.

Her Bill, for eternity.

She sat there, long into the night, until he finally eased his hold on her, until he finally slept peacefully. With a quiet sigh, she made her way into the main cabin, stretching to try and ease the ache out of her spine, and set to work clearing what she could. All she could do for the ship was gather up the pieces into a box and hope that it could be reassembled. Tears tracked afresh as she found the tiny golden goddess, and she clasped it so tight that the wing dug into her palm, before she placed it carefully in the box. 'Every end has new beginnings.' But this one was wrong, so very wrong.

* * *

Leaving, she leant a moment against the hatch, taking a deep breath and straightening her clothes so that she looked respectable before heading to her shuttle and her bed for the few remaining hours of the night.

Lost in thought and grief, she didn't see the man step back into the shadows to avoid her. Didn't know that Lee Adama had witnessed her exit from his father's cabin, and drawn his own conclusions, nor that the anger that had been building in him over Kara had boiled over at the sight.


	25. Chapter 25

_So tiny, so fragile, yet clinging so tenaciously to life. Perfectly formed, a tiny fist waved in her direction._

_Her hand, shaking slightly, hovered over the glass, never quite touching._

_"Thank you!" For my life, for my future, for the dizzying freedom from pain._

_Looking at the infant bundled in the incubator that was keeping her alive, Laura found her instinct to protect the child stronger than she would have expected. And yet how could it not be, not only was this child the reason she was alive, but she was so small and helpless._

_It was hard to believe that here, lying in front of her, looking exactly like a fully human baby, was the Cylons' greatest hope. 'The shape of things to come.' And in what possible way could what was good for the Cylons mean anything but disaster for the human race._

_The Cylons within the fleet and those chasing them would not give up until they had Hera. She could not allow this tiny, unthreatening creature to live. Yet equally, she knew, she could not kill her. Nor could she sentence her to death by default. There was no doubt in Laura's mind that if Hera were allowed to remain within the fleet, someone would take revenge for a lost son or daughter, mother or father, on a child who had done nothing, nothing other than live despite all odds against her very existence._

_There was only one option, and there were only two people who needed to be involved to accomplish it._

_Her many trips to Life Station meant that she knew her way around, had been able to find the child, and had the added bonus of making her presence here somewhat unremarkable, yet she couldn't linger here much longer without being noticed._

_Fingertips rested gently and briefly on top of the incubator, a silent prayer given, a silent promise made._

_"You realize that no-one must know."_

_"I would like to see her from time to time."_

_---_

_Bleak. Empty. Hollow victory. Meaningless congratulations. All for a single purpose, the only reason strong enough to ride roughshod over principles held for a lifetime. She would bear, would even choose, this tear on the fabric of her soul because the survival of her people required it._

_She had known it was over. When 'Racetrack' jumped into that nebula in error, and came across a somewhat habitable planet. When Tom Zarek's political savvy saw the potential of it. The fleet was tired, and unsettled from months of headlong flight. They were ripe to be persuaded by the hope of a safe resting place. A place to lay down their burdens and rest. They couldn't see the pitfalls and the dangers of being taken in by the rhetoric, neither did they want to. So here she sat, listening to the polls come in and knowing that she had lost this fight, even though she had given them all she had and more. The only way to save them from themselves, was to allow Tory to follow through on whatever plan she had. She knew it was going to be illegal, so she didn't ask any details, just gave Tory the nod. She would save her people, lead them to the promised land, in spite of themselves._

_But it wasn't a victory she could celebrate, the final tally leaving her numb. His voice, barely muted surprise, echoed in the bleakness of her heart and she couldn't even find the energy to dissemble, to fake the joy she should be feeling at her 'victory'._

_The call announcing his imminent arrival was unwelcome, but unfortunately not totally unexpected. Then he was in her office, confronting her with the facts of what had been done. She was shocked only to hear of who had been involved, astute enough to have guessed the probable mechanism. As she stood before him, as she admitted her own culpability, she knew he would not be happy to allow it to stand. He might understand her motives and theirs, she believed he would realize this was not about power for her, but he would come down on the side of the law. And she realized that while she was prepared to sacrifice herself over this, she could not order him to commit an illegal act. It seemed she had found her own line in the sand._

_---_

_She was equal parts relieved to be free of the burden, and desperate at the fate her people had chosen. This could only end badly, and now there was nothing she could do but watch it happen._

_And of course, she also had to endure Baltar's smug superciliousness in victory. Had to hand over the fate of the precious number on her whiteboard to a man she knew to be a traitor, not to mention quite possibly dangerously crazy._

_She stood erect and proud, allowing no visible trace of the turmoil she felt inside, as she was forced to watch as Baltar was sworn in. She drew strength from the fact that Bill didn't hold her attempt against her, that she still had his personal support. Bill was a warm presence at her side, his Admiral façade firmly in place, a military leader doing his duty, but she felt the subtle brush of his fingers against hers, anchoring her._

_Suddenly, the world went white, then black, as they were thrown about. She regained consciousness to find herself shielded against the floor by Bill's body. He took a brief moment to check her over, noting the lump on her head, and murmuring that she should get herself checked out by Cottle asap, before the Admiral swung into action, checking the President's safety, calling CIC for a sit rep and barking orders to his marines, before heading back to Galactica for a more detailed analysis of what had occurred._

_Somehow in amongst all that, he had also ensured that the detail he had assigned to her had orders to arrange her transport over to Galactica as soon as was practical._

_And that was how she found herself several hours later, curled into the leather of his couch, somewhat dazedly trying to process all the turns her life had taken in the last few hours and days, and trying to make sense of what she should do with herself now. She felt adrift, tossed hither and thither at the whim of others. Every thought and action for the last two years had been dictated solely by the needs of her people, leaving only brief moments for her to be Laura, to such an extent that she wasn't entirely sure she knew who Laura was anymore. The only sliver of a silver lining was the fact that now, finally, there was a chance for the future she and Bill had dreamed of, a chance they had both set aside at the end of the worlds. But as much as she would love to explore that opportunity, she knew she wasn't ready yet. She could only hope he would understand because she wasn't sure she had the words to explain it. So she awaited his arrival with anticipation and some dread. The other thought that was putting a dampener on any enthusiasm she could muster was the fact that Baltar's first order was to settle. She could see no option but that she would have to go planetside, and sooner rather than later. Her people still needed her, even if they had turned their backs on her. A school system needed to be set up, and she was the best qualified to do it. And there was no scenario where she could see Bill leaving Galactica in the near future. So would they actually be any closer to achieving their future?_

_Her thoughts were chasing themselves around in circles, with no end in sight, so she poured herself a glass of ambrosia, and padded over to Bill's bookshelves in search of something to distract her._

_And so it was that he found her, her feet tucked under her on the couch, so lost in a novel that she wasn't immediately aware of his presence. He leaned against the hatch and simply watched her for a few long moments. As entranced by her beauty as ever, he was also aware of the toll the stresses her time as President had taken. He saw the fragility she masked so well in the political arena, and the quiet strength that enabled her to stand and fight._

_He felt her pain at her peoples' short sightedness. He himself was angry, she had given them everything, even died for them, but that had counted for nothing, against the charisma of Baltar, and the promise of a chance to stop running._

_He also knew that as carefully as he had had to handle her when they had first met, she would be doubly skittish now, so he had to tread extremely carefully if he wanted to finally see his ring on her finger._

_He cleared his throat gently to make her aware of his presence, before pouring himself a drink and with a gesture asking if she wanted hers refilled. After filling the glass she held out for him, he seated himself next to her, only a fraction closer than he normally allowed himself, stretched his feet out onto the table and contemplated the liquid in his glass._

_"Well it has certainly been an eventful day."_

_She felt herself torn between hysterical laughter and racking sobs at his thoughtful tone, and ironic words, and had to clamp down hard on her emotions to maintain a semblance of control._

_She blinked back the tears that threatened once again, merely nodding in answer before scooting closer and laying her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her, pressed a small kiss against her hair and they sat in silence._


End file.
